If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
