"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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