my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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