I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
