So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
