how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
