I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
