Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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