she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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