my being single is dangerous.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
