best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
