When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Come on in and take your pants off
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