I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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