I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
