dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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