I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
