Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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