She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
