I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
