he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
