i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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