Cold hands, warm shart.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
