Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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