K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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