Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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