Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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