so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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