I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
