I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
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Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
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Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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