You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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