I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
