in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
