I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
