I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
