True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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