i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
