she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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