Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
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i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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