some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
