ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
