If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
