My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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