ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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