I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
