I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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