I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
