Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
