fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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