I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
