I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
