I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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