They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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