he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
