"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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