I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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