I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
