So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
