I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
