turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I touched a dick in church today
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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