I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
