my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
