You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I want to stick my p in your. b.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
