Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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