Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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