I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
