Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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