You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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