You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
