You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
