this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
