oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
