This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
