i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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