I need help removing her.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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