my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
