thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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