If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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