so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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