somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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